What are you Afraid of?
Let’s take a friendly look at a topic most of us avoid, or don’t know how to talk about comfortably. Many of us are reluctant to take on this inquiry, even though we usually have an unspoken sense that fearfulness is the bellybutton of how we think about ourselves. We’d much rather talk about hair color or body type or Meyers Briggs Personality type. Go ahead make your own list of things you’d rather talk about than talking about your own fearfulness.
Did you make your list? I bet five bucks you wouldn’t make a list. Because if you start talking about your own fearfulness, you will lose all control over how people see you. And worse even than that, if you talk openly about fear, what other topics will line up behind fearfulness? Sex? Money? Nope better to shut up and keep it all hidden.
okay that was a fun little conversation to avoid doing the work you already know you should do. Some of you probably sense your therapist lurking in the background ready to silently judge you as you avoid or confront the question what are you afraid of?
I don’t care what you are going through in approaching or avoiding this question. Most codependents were good students so many of you already think you know the right answer and are secretly waiting to be called on so you can look good.
There is one secret “right answer” that is hiding in plain sight. It is hiding inside the statement of membership in CoDA.
“The only requirement for membership is a desire for healthy and loving relationships.”
You already have a “received” relationship with fearfulness. Doing the work of recovery involves piece by piece building a healthy loving relationships with all the parts of yourself. And fearfulness is an excellent place to begin.
Also, one more thing before we move on. Please remember what we just talked about … the first two words of the 12 steps: “We Admitted … “ Here’s an excellent opportunity to admit to something you been avoiding most of your life. I dare you! Don’t be Chicken!
Admit you are currently powerless over your own fearfulness. Or Don’t . Or put it off for later because it seems like a trick. Or admit it secretly to yourself but not to any living human especially this imaginary guy on the internet.
The bellybutton is the leftover knot of tissue from being surgically separated from Mommy at birth. It is a knotted up left over scar like residue of being born. We avoid assessing the meaning and provenance of each our own bellybutton. Mostly we stop thinking about it after determining “Innie? Or Outie?” Let’s move on to something important.